Happy Mothers Day to Me

FLASHBACK PHOTO
{Bailey about two weeks old}

When I became a Mother I had all the intentions of the world to show my child I understood her. I assumed we would automatically be best friends. We would grow to love and nurture one another, we would stay up late talking and laughing when she was older. These things all came natural right?
All of that would have been a guarantee if children never came with their own personalities. The idea of being best friends seemed ideal until I woke up as a parent years ago and figured out that they will have plenty of friends - my child only has one mother. That Mother needs to take the role as a parent. Sometimes in their eyes we can be the bad guy, the stick in the mud, and the control freak. If your not blessed with a child that butts heads with you on most issues. Thats code for - enforcing rules, setting standards, and keeping the family organized.
14 years ago I never would have imagined that the hardest years would be after diapers and wiping snotty noses. The mental strength you need to get though challenges in behavior and attitudes when they reach that glorious pre-pubescent stage blindsided me. It has been a difficult past year as a mom. I question myself every day and wonder if we will get though it in one piece. I hold onto happy ending stories of youth that challenged their parents authority to a breaking point later to come around and bond with their mother begging forgiveness for the emotional toll they put her though. ;) Yeah I will just settle for communication from my children after they move out at this point.
Don't get me wrong, I am extremely blessed with great children. They are law abiding, have a good heart and "good grade getters".(you like that) BUT, they know how to speak their mind, speak it LOUD, and often in a completely disrespectful tone. They know how to get their Fight on and stretch me to my last nerve most days.
It is something we are all working on. It is a slow process and even slower progress. I will admit that I have often broke down in sobbing tears these last few months with the fear of wearing the failing mother cap. So on this Mothers Day my goal is to sit through the talks at church and not completely beat myself up as I do each year in listening to them. Or roll my eyes - but that's a whole other post on Mothers Day talks.

If this entry seems pessimistic it is not the tone I wanted - I know that anything good about me, my children and marriage have shaped in my personality. If you want to become less selfish, more compassionate, less judgmental, and gain a strong backbone - Have a child (or four). Because by the fourth you may not totally mess that one up.
In all fairness to my children (all joking aside).... the best thing that I can even imagine bringing me the most unimaginable joy, would be to have them be a happy people. I want them to grow up and discover happiness and spread it. Sharing it with my future grandchildren and staying close with their siblings. Nothing would please me more than a closeness shared together as we all grow older.
So until then I will remember that it just may be as hard for them to be a kid as it is for me to be the Mom right now. <3