He died a year and a half ago with me alone in the room at his side. My Grandpa on my moms side was such a huge part of my life. It is too bad my kids will never know the impact he made on me. He did everything for me, I mean everything! I also had the pleasure of living with Grandma and He for a while after high school where she and Grandpa were so sweet and PATIENT with me. No matter what he was always helping me and others who crossed his path. I am so thankful Jamie knew him, loved him for who he was and all he did for us over the years. But he was old and his body was giving out.
Grandma, his one and only and love of his life, passed about ten years ago and it was his time to move on to meet her.
Below is what I wrote when I walked in the door that early morning from leaving hospice which I also ended up reading at his funeral.
Looking back this is one of the pivotal moments in my testimony. Those months following I couldn't even listen to the radio it seemed because I wanted so dearly to remain close to the Spirit. My testimony of the Plan of Salvation grew more than I ever thought it could. I was so blessed to have had that moment with him as I will cherish it forever just as I cherished him being my Grandpa for 37 years.
The photo was when the kids and I moved closer to him and the year Grandma died. It was so nice to have him just pop by giving the excuse that I was out of milk. So funny - he was always around and I felt his love every time he was near me.
The night before he passed as the kids came to say goodbyeJOURNAL ENTRY
I feel extremely blessed that I was able to experience Grandpa Christofferson’s last moments here on earth. I have always had a special relationship with Grandpa, as so many have, and within the last years of his life I have much regret not spending time by his side. I pray he can know the intentions of my heart during that time I was distant. This is why last night was so tender to me, it was just like Grandpa to give something to someone even when they didn’t necessarily deserve it.
Thursday was the first time I saw him in Hospice, he was not speaking but happened to be alert eyes open and would hold our hand giving a little squeeze here and there letting us know he understood. I am not sure if Pete and Tom were aware but I was told later by my older kids that as they left and Tom said “bye Grandpa”. Grandpa then slightly lifted his hand the way he frequently would in earlier years but with much less motion. He acknowledged their goodbye‘s and extending his own parting gesture by mustering up strength to do so. Both of my kids were deeply moved by this act of love. Even in their young minds, they were aware of the tenderness in that moment. We had a nice visit and I felt much closure that evening assuming that would be the last time I saw him in this earthly state. Honestly I was okay with that.
Friday came as did the news that he may not make it through the night. If he did hang on it would not be through the weekend. I was pleased to hear that he would be with Grandma soon and feel the release of his mortal body and all that comes with the ails of aging. After everyone said their goodbyes that evening to a now physically unresponsive Grandpa it seemed it was only a matter of time until the news would come. I got so hung up on the verbiage “did I feel like I said goodbye” that I almost limited my options as far as the idea of just spending quality time with him. I had said my goodbye’s, I was okay with it. He was unresponsive and potentially not even aware if anyone were there, or was he? Did I really want to drive out there again at midnight from an already exhausting day? I knew once I decided there was no turning back, it would be a missed opportunity that I would never be okay with wondering what the experience may have been like. My gratitude falls on Grandpa and the Lord for making my experience worth driving not only 45 minutes but all through the night and back, if need be, to witness what I witnessed.
As I entered the room at 12:45 am Grandpas eyes were slightly open, almost to look as though he could see me. Although I perceived it that way, I am certain he more felt my presence than visually saw me. Whatever the reason his eyes were open, it made it feel as though he was listening. I sat nearby and started to talk to him explaining that I got to come stay by his side for the night and I wanted him to know that I knew it was close to being time to move ahead of this earthly life. I told him my desires for him to join Grandma. I explained that I was glad to be there and I wanted him to know that I was okay with being present in the room when it happened, if and when, he decided to let go. I told him I was there to support him and I was excited for him. I then began to read letters to him that I had brought along which were written to him a couple years earlier when I had intentions of making an elaborate book of memories for him as a Valentines gift. Between having babies and a myriad of other activities in my life, time slipping away the well intended project, never to be completed. I apologized for not following through and hoped he would settle for me sharing the letters with him now. I began with an unopened one that was mailed written by Carol Endl from Eau Claire. It touched my heart to read about Grandpa as a young man from a fellow friend back in the 1940’s.
It reads:
Hi Wally,
First an apology for the tardy note. I blame the entire tardiness on the computer. We never should have gone beyond the ballpoint pen!
Now for some thoughts about what I remember about you. Well, to begin, they are all positive. There you were in that convertible. You looked so debonair. I didn’t see you much as you lived in Jefferson. When we moved to Eau Claire, I saw more of you but you seemed to be interested in a red head names Maxine. One of the memorable events was the wedding. The message by the pastor was wonderful but Maxine was beautiful and you looked like you were “in seventh heaven.” I don’t know if you knew it or not but the Solveig gave me a sip of her champagne! If I remember correctly, you were in the service. Then you and Maxine moved back to Eau Claire. Did you know I borrowed on of your suits for some dumb thing at Senior High? It was the best suit there. We had many delicious dinners at your home. Also, picked up a few etiquette pointers thanks to Maxine. I remember going to the cottage if one can call that lake home a cottage! You helped me get the canoe out of some weeds. Thank you again. It has been a few years since you were in Eau Claire. I really enjoyed our lunch and hope you will come again.
Love, Carol Endl
More letters from mostly family followed with tender feelings of the great man he was, the experiences they had and how he shaped their lives. (copies of letters available) They were tender and filled with the love we all have felt for him. Such beautiful words were read and I know in that 20 minutes of sharing, our spirits were connected and I felt an immense amount of love in that small stark room. If he were to reach out and kiss my hand in that moment I would not have been shocked in the least because that is the feeling which was felt throughout the entire time.
After all the laughter and tears in reading though five or so letters, I explained to him how thankful I was that I related to each and every emotion of the people who wrote of him. I told him how much I appreciated how he respected women and what an overly patient man he always was. Patient especially with circumstances where he had every right to tell someone how to live their life who was not making the best of choices. I shared that I now realize it was through his wisdom in life, and love for his family that he knew there was only so much you could do. To love was key. I then shared my personal convictions to him that I knew with a surety that our life did not end at the physical death of our body. Life on earth was merely a state of learning and he would have many more adventures and opportunities for growth and happiness beyond this life. I told him I could not imagine how amazing his experience would be when he decided to move on. I said, “I really want you to move forward and that’s why I’m here, whenever your ready. I hope that’s okay with you that I stay”.
I then put in a peaceful, purely instrumental, CD I had from the car that the little kids listen to called “Lullaby”. I expressed that I wished I could have had more time to look for the harp CD I saved from the artist that played for Grandma as she passed. We sat in the peace just the two of us relaxing for no more than 10 minutes. During that time I said a silent prayer that Grandma, my daughter Ever, and anyone that he may feel love from would beckon him home to make the transition easier. I no longer than a few minutes later heard a different sounding breath come from him and I felt a warmth rush though my body. The feeling of warmth did not startle me at all and surprisingly seemed like a familiar feeling without ever having had that experience before. I slowly sat up second guessing if what happened really happened waiting to see if he would take another breathe. I waited and waited, it was not until minutes later did I logically see how odd that warm feeling was. Not odd that I felt his Spirit but that I was not phased by it. It seemed like nothing new. I believe my spirit was familiar with the notion and therefore it seemed like a natural experience of the souls communicating.
Being human myself I felt protective of his body and them taking it. I felt like once his body was taken it would be final, it would become a reality once the nurse mark the time of death on his chart. I didn’t want such an amazing man to leave for good. I felt hesitant to call for her assistance. As quick as these feelings came to me an even quicker remembrance, even an eternal perspective, consoled me. I sat with him for about five minutes until it didn’t feel like I could feel his presence any longer and I went and got her. She confirmed Grandpas death shortly after 1:30am.
There was nothing but peace in the room, and fifteen minutes later there was nothing but staleness. He was now progressing on into the eternities and feeling an overwhelming amount of love and welcoming I am certain. I don’t assume to know all the details of the next life but I do proclaim that I personally know for myself that we do have a loving Father in Heaven. He created us and he is aware of each of us personally, each and everyone of us here on earth. Our Father in Heaven knows and loves us. I wanted to leave immediately and take with me one of the most precious and sacred experiences I have known. I know that God lives and He has a plan. I know that Grandpa will make as many positive influences there as he did here on earth.
I honored to be apart of his life, more so he is perpetually a part of mine.
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